Monthly Archives: September 2013

Man Training

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“You’re going for man-training lessons,” I told LL. “It’s like a bar mitzvah, only without the Jewish stuff.”

I chose my words carefully. I didn’t say etiquette class. I didn’t say ballroom dancing lessons. I didn’t say It’s this lovely WASPy institution or reform school. I thought there was no way the lately-defiant eight year old would go if I gave him a single detail about the program I had signed him up for. It was enough that he knew it was neither hockey nor soccer.

And just as I was mum on the name and the activities of the course (How to Make Small Talk, How to Answer the Phone, How to Use Your Silverware . . .), I kept quiet about the dress requirements:

Boys:

Blazer or suit

Dress trousers (gray flannel or pressed khaki) — please, no cargo or casual pants

Dark socks

Properly buttoned dress shirt

Necktie

Dress loafers

(On the lady-training side of things, parents were buying dresses, patent-leather Mary Janes, and the sartorial star: white gloves.). I just said, “Oh, can you try these on? I want to see if they fit. How about this shirt? Hey, I want to learn how to put on a tie. Can you come here for a second?”

“He’ll hate it,” said my husband.

“He’ll hate you,” said my neighbor.

“He’ll never go,” said my friend.

But you know what I say to the naysayers? Suck it!

He went:

The carefully attired third graders being herded into etiquette class

The carefully groomed and gracefully attired third graders entering etiquette class

He slouched:

Apparently the course should have started with How to Sit Up Straight.

Apparently the course should have started with How to Sit Up Straight.

He danced:

Gentlemen, find your ladies . . .

Gentlemen, find your ladies . . .

And then he came out to report to his brothers that it was . . .

AWESOME!!!!

AWESOME!!!!

Admittedly, the geniuses at the program end the class by having the boys give the girls candy, and vice versa.

Poor Cool J. “It’s no fair!” he declared jealously. “I want some–. I mean, I want to learn ballroom dancing and wear a tie!!!”

All in good time, my little one. All in good time!

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Shana Tova

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Overheard at the nail salon today:

“Hey, Rachel, how are you?”

“Good. Tired.”

“You hosting?”

“Oh, Sarah. I am. Both nights!”

“Oy. Poor you. That’s so much work.”

“It’s OK. I hired a girl to help out with the cooking, the serving, and the clean up.”

“Oh good! So it shouldn’t be too bad.”

“No . . . I thought this was the best way to do it. Why should my nanny have to do everything by herself?”

. . .

Shana Tova to all the Yidden out there — the rich, the richer, and the rest.

Shana Tova! Love, Poor Princess, The Scientist, LL, Cool J, and Baby MoFo

Shana Tova! Love, Poor Princess, The Scientist, LL, Cool J, and Baby MoFo